taking the first step

Deciding to start therapy can bring up all sorts of thoughts and feelings. You might feel relieved at the thought of having somewhere to talk, nervous about opening up to someone new, or unsure whether you'll know what to say. Perhaps part of you wants support, while another part wonders whether you really need it. You might even find yourself asking, “Do people like me really deserve therapy?” I know this can be something people struggle with, because I've been there myself.

You might have been thinking about therapy for a while, or perhaps things have reached a point where you're finding it harder to manage everything on your own. Whatever has brought you here, you don't need to have all the answers before you begin.

Sometimes, you might not know exactly what's wrong or why you're feeling the way you do. You might simply know that something doesn't feel quite right, that things have become overwhelming, or that you'd like some space to make sense of what's going on.

You don't need to have everything figured out. You can start exactly where you are.

What happens in a first therapy session?

Your first session is an opportunity for you and your therapist to begin getting to know one another. You might talk about what's been happening in your life, what's brought you to therapy, or what you're hoping to get from having someone to talk to.

Your therapist may ask some questions to help them understand more about you and what life has been like recently. You're also welcome to ask questions of your own, whether you're curious about how therapy works, what sessions might look like, or what happens next.

There's no right or wrong way to approach your first session. You might find yourself talking more than you expected, or need a little time to settle in. You may know exactly what you want to talk about, or find that the words don't come quite as easily as you'd hoped.

If you're feeling nervous, that's okay too. You're meeting someone new and beginning to talk about things that may be personal to you. There's no expectation to impress your therapist, say the right things or have everything neatly worked out. You don't have to be any particular way in therapy. You can simply be yourself, just as you are.

Do I need to know what to talk about?

Not at all.

You might be coming to therapy with something specific you'd like to explore. Perhaps you're going through a difficult time, struggling with your relationships, or finding it hard to understand your own feelings.

Or perhaps you know you're not feeling quite yourself, but you're struggling to put your finger on why. You might have lots of thoughts going around in your head, feel overwhelmed by everything at once, or find it difficult to put what you're experiencing into words.

You might be used to putting other people first, keeping things to yourself or carrying on as though everything is fine, even when things feel difficult underneath.

Whatever your experience looks like, you don't need to organise your thoughts before coming to therapy. There's no need to arrive with a list of things to discuss or a clear idea of what you'd like to change.

Part of therapy is having the space to explore these things together, at a pace that feels right for you.

What if I find it difficult to open up?

Opening up to someone new can feel like a big step, particularly if you're used to keeping your feelings to yourself or have found it difficult to trust people in the past.

You might worry about being judged, becoming upset, saying too much or not saying enough. Perhaps you're concerned about getting emotional, or you're not used to talking about yourself and your own needs.

You don't have to share everything straight away. You can take your time, talk about what feels manageable and let your therapist know if something feels difficult. It's okay to pause, take a moment or say that you're not ready to talk about something yet.

Feeling comfortable with someone doesn't always happen straight away. Building a therapeutic relationship takes time, and you deserve the space to find your feet and feel more at ease in your own time.

You deserve to feel listened to and taken seriously, without feeling pressured to share more than you're ready to.

How do I know if a therapist is right for me?

Finding a therapist is a personal decision. Different people connect with different approaches and personalities, so it's important to find someone you feel comfortable working with.

You might think about whether you feel listened to, whether you can be yourself, and whether you feel able to talk openly without worrying about being judged. You don't have to feel completely comfortable from the very beginning, but it should feel as though there's space for you, your experiences and your needs.

It's also okay to ask questions about a therapist's training, experience and approach, as well as practical things like session fees and availability.

Some therapists offer a free introductory call, which can be a helpful way to have an initial conversation, ask questions and get a feel for whether working together might be right for you. You don't have to make a decision on the spot.

Ultimately, the relationship you build with your therapist matters, and it's okay to take your time finding the right fit.

A few things to remember before your first session

If you're feeling a little nervous, here are a few things I'd like you to know:

~ You don't need a particular reason to come to therapy. You don't need a diagnosis, a label or a specific problem to work on. If something is affecting you, you're allowed to seek support.

~ You don't need to prepare everything in advance. If it helps to make a few notes beforehand, that's absolutely fine, but there's no expectation to do so.

~ You can take things at your own pace. You don't have to talk about everything at once or share anything before you feel ready.

~ It's okay to feel uncertain. You can want things to change and still feel nervous about what that might look like.

~ You're allowed to ask questions. It's okay to talk about what you need, what feels helpful or what you're finding difficult.

Most importantly, you don't have to get it right. You're not expected to know how therapy works or what you're supposed to say. You can simply come as you are.

You don't have to have it all figured out

Perhaps you've been thinking about therapy for some time but haven't quite felt ready to take that first step. Perhaps you're still weighing up whether it's right for you, or you're not even sure where to begin.

Whatever your situation, you don't have to wait until things feel unbearable before reaching out for support. You don't need the right words, a clear plan or a particular reason for wanting someone to talk to.

Therapy can offer you space to slow down, make sense of what you're experiencing and explore the things that matter to you. You might begin with something you've been carrying for a long time, or simply with the feeling that you'd like things to be different.

There's no single right way to begin, and you don't have to work everything out on your own.